fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just cropdusted the office
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
