she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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