in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
