omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
