Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
