just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
