Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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