I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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