i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
