Apparently you make a good broom.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
