I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
