I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
