some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
