you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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