You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
