What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
