I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
