You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
