Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
not ubering you a puppy
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
