Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
