he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
