i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
