I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
