dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
