my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
