My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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