During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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