Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize