Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
