I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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