Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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