You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
