What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
