i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
