walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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