i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
