Your face is a jimmy john
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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