we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
