Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
