This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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