oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
