I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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