I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
