Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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