there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
