matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
