I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
