some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
