He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
