I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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