Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
