I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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