im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
