we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
