YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
