I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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