So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize