I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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