you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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