that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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