when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All the doctor said was why
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
