Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
