You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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