the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
