marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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