it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
