so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize