I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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