i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
