I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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