Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
did i just pee glitter
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
