my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
