I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
